Our families, communities, societies, and nations are getting torn apart—by judgement and competition, by violence, self-harm, and negativity.
It should be so simple as to say—there is no need ever, never, ever to be unkind to anyone. Ever.
Unfortunately, there’s never been any time in the whole history of the world where there hasn’t been conflict, of some kind or other.
So, we’ve got to bring the love.
Starting with the self kind.
Kindness to self
I think it would be safe to say that there’s also never been anyone in the whole history of the world who hasn’t, at some time or other, suffered from self-doubt, negative self-talk, and feelings of regret, inadequacy, and/or failure.
Gosh, ain’t being human just delightful?!
Think of the things you say to yourself on a daily basis. Do you tell yourself you’re not good enough, smart enough, skinny enough, rich enough, motivated enough—fill in your [blank] enough here? Do you find excuses not to do something because you’re afraid it won’t work out? Do you call yourself stupid, weak, lazy, damaged?
Now, imagine it was your [mum, son, friend, partner] saying those things.
Would you believe it to be true?
Or would you tell them they’re amazing, beautiful, clever, capable, special?
So, why do we believe it of ourselves? Why do we let that rubbish stop us from being our true selves and doing what we want to do?
Centuries ago, Descartes said “I think, therefore I am.”
What absolute, complete, and utter hogwash! If we put that quote together with the Harvard study that said we spend 47% of our time lost in thought—that would mean half of our identity is locked up in regrets, worries, and self-doubts.
This is not the way we want to live.
I think, therefore I am not.
We are not our thoughts. Put that rubbish where it belongs—
In the rubbish!
Start the habit now—when you hear any of those negative thoughts creeping in?
Shut. Them. Down.
Gently—because non-judgement is kind and we need to be kind to ourselves. When we hear those thoughts a-creeping, we gently say “thank you, that’s enough now.“
I am enough.
Like no other
When we’re little, we feel no judgement—no hate, or cruelty, or disrespect. Then, we toddle off to school and we’re taught to treat others the way we want to be treated, which is a beautiful lesson.
But, it’s subjective—somehow, it becomes treat some others the way we want to be treated because there grows nasty bullying and popularity contests and friendship feuds.
And, things are never the same after that.
You often say, “I would give, but only to the deserving.” The trees in your orchard say not so, nor the flocks in your pastures. They give that they may live, for to withhold is to perish.”
~ Kahlil Gibran
Oh, it’s tricky, it’s tricky. Just as we talked about gratitude being impossible to find in certain situations, kindness can be equally as slippery.
We, none of us, are angels. This isn’t about loving everybody or understanding everybody or serving everybody.
It’s about acceptance.
Accepting that everybody on the planet is just trying to live as well as they can for as long as they can.
There is no other—only us.
Gibran’s quote is an important one to consider. Not that we should be expected to give freely to all, as is suggested—that’s just not realistic.
But, our world is in a state of otherness—of take, take, take what is mine.
Yet, our survival relies on giving. When we bring tiny baby humans into the world, we have to give with everything we’ve got to make sure they’re safe and healthy and happy.
Without giving, humans are no more.
We need to question—
Where does our judgement come from? Is it serving us or disabling us?
How can we overcome it?
Root to rise
We need to ground ourselves in order to rise above unnecessary judgement, which sounds a bit contradictory—ground to rise! But, when we are solid in ourselves, our self-judgement has no power and, when we are solid in ourselves, we have no reason to judge others.
There are no others.
Life is not a competition.
So, how do we ground ourselves? Just like the foundations of a house keep it strong and steady—what gives us our strength?
Oh, so many delicious things!
Breath—long, deep, calming, revitalising breath.
Going for a walk in nature, acknowledging all the magical greenery that keeps us alive.
Gratitude, gratitude, gratitude.
Curling up with a good book.
Making conscious decisions, acting from a place of deeper purpose.
People, people, people—surrounding ourselves with people who root for us to rise and who we root to rise right back.
Giving kindness, growing in kindness.
No act of kindness, however small, is ever wasted.