an unexpected twist

This sounds like I’m changing my plan again, doesn’t it?

Well, surprisingly, not this time.

Maybe tomorrow?!

The unexpected twist is this—it’s the fact that I’m here, on a journey of mindfulness.

I grew up in a pretty stock standard Kiwi household.

I was a shy, quiet kid—creative, but I liked rules.  No surprises, please, I liked to know what was going on.

There were definite rights and wrongs.

My Nana knitted me some leg warmers, but they had red and pink stripes, so they lived in the bottom of the drawer.

Red and pink together?  Nope, sorry, no can do.

Nana danced to her own drummer.  She had this wild, fluffy hair (oh, she liked it to look nice, but really it couldn’t be tamed), wore whatever the hell she liked, and whistled wherever she went.

So far from the rule-abiding child I was.

And now I’m so far from the rule-abiding child I was!

Rules?  Pffft!  What rules?

Can you hear uni bellow ‘my rules’?! 

I’m realising more and more how much I’m becoming like my Nana.

I have this wild hair—

There’s a bit of a side story here (hair!)—I’m doing the worst possible thing to my body right now.  Laser tattoo removal.  Nasty.  So, I’m trying my best to balance it out by treating everything else right.  This includes no unnecessary chemicals, so my hair is now au naturel.  Wild.  Growing grays—which I’m weirdly finding so fascinating!

I wear whatever the hell I like.  Including the leg warmers.  Yes, it’s more than 20 years later and I still have them (they’re like new, never worn!)rocking them right now.

I’m working on the whistle.

Yesterday would have been Nana’s 101st birthday.

As I was walking up to uni, bright and early (actually not bright, it was 6.30am, middle-of-winter-dark), in my leg warmers, I said a quiet happy birthday, Nana—and in that moment, a shower of rain fell on me.

I sound like I’m making up a nice story, but I’m as surprised as you are.

Yes, it’s winter.  Yes, it rains in winter.  But, it wasn’t raining—it was dry.

Until, in that moment, it wasn’t.

I never expected to be this wild spirit who has light bulb moments at 4am, experiences déjà vu on a regular basis, and believes that her Nana rained down on her.

Never in my wildest dreams.

And there will be others who think ‘Wild spirit?  You?  Yeah, right—and pigs fly’.

And I’d say to themI know.  I completely agree with you.

There are people in my past who met a serious, stubborn, defensive, overbearing version of me—the Leo version of me.

To them I would also say—I’m so sorry.

I have been those things—I can still be those things, but now I’m more aware of them.

And how I can change.  How much I want to change.  How I am changing.

And it seems the universe is pretty determined for the wild, creative, free-spirited version to win because the journey it’s taking me on has never been clearer—or crazier!

How about you?

Are you the version of you that you want to be?

That you ever thought you would be?!

xx

PS A friend just asked for a picture of the leg warmers, so here you go—the closest I’ll ever get to a selfie!

Leg warmers

3 replies »

  1. I am loving reading your blog. I have an inactive one that I really want to get into and make active but the excuses come thick and fast. You , however are inspiring me so I may break free of my fear yet !! Keep on being wild and creative it is awesome.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you so much. I have no doubt that you can break free of your fear and I’ll be on the reading end when you do! It’s scary to open up and I’ve been on the verge of deleting the blog nearly every day – you can tell from my posts that I went through a bit of a dark slump, very critical at what the world’s becoming and thinking what am I doing, no one wants to read this! As much as I want to change the world (doesn’t everyone?!), I’m learning more and more that I can only change myself – and if by sharing my stories, I can give light to even one person along the way, I’m happy. Thanks for sharing the journey with me 🙂 xx

    Like

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